Thursday, June 23, 2011

Coming out of the Closet!!

WARNING: I've been given permission by My Father to be who He has made me to be... so I will. If you don't like it, don't listen. Ok,, if you like it and it speaks to your heart, great. If not, move on, I won't take offense. This really is for me and my Daddy and all who need me to be me because me being me will help them be them. This is really what it is all about. I am giving myself the permission (because I know who I am) to speak. I value myself. I really want to hear what I have to say.

I am coming out of the closet. Like it or not. It's time and it's very important for me. the problem I have had is I know what many of you believe and think because I have believed and thought just like you. But I am so realizing that there is a part of me that has been shut up and locked up and hidden for a very long long time. Though I believe and think a certain way, I feel another. I live what I feel. I realize I do not speak because of fear. I am facing that fear and I am seeing it for what it really is, a mirarage that is just something to keep me from being who I am.

Last night as I was feeling all these emotions. Really deep emotions. I was shown a vision of myself locked up in a closet. This was something that I did as a child. I really don't know why but it was my hiding place of isolation. When I was really hurting I went to the closet. Today I was seeing that I still do this, in a measure, I still run to the closet. It's time for me to let myself out of the closet and feel what I feel and express those feelings. Don't be thrown off by my using the word "feeling". I am talking about a deep sensitivty that is a major and primary gifting in my life. I am a feeler. I feel before I see sometimes. It's a sensory gift. I feel at a very deep level. I also "feel" other peoples feelings and emotions and I can also feel demons. I feel more than I "see" but I see also. When I asked the Lord what He loved about me the most, to my utter horror, He said, "your sensitivity". I was so shocked by this because this was the thing I hated the most about myself. God loves the thing that I hate. Oh, gosh!! Well, I think all of my life I have tried to surpress this part of who I am. I have ingnored and shoved it in the closet. I have felt like a freak and an alien. I have often just wanted to go home to heaven because I really haven't known what to do with myself here on this earth. You see, I can walk into a grocery store and I can "feel" people's attitudes and emotions. I can walk into a church and feel the intensity of the lonliness or the glorious atmosphere of heaven. I can also feel danger and know things that I can't even explain in words but I know it clearly. It's weird, but I can tell you more about what a demon feels like than what it looks like. I don't see lust, I feel it, and it is nasty. There are demons that feel like big huge rocks trying to press in on me. There are demons that feel like huge fat beings that want to overtake. Anyway, it's really weird and I never hear people talk about this, so it's strange for me to even speak it.

Now, going back to the fact that the Lord loves this about me! He loves that I am sensitive to HIM!! Because of this I can feel the Lord on such a deep level it's even hard to describe. I felt and saw Him on the very first day I met Him and it has never changed. Some have misunderstood me because of my poor ability to communicate and some of it has been just a plot to shut me down. I have learned to keep much to myself for fear of misunderstanding. I am beginning to really understand my value as a daughter of God. I am really starting to see the threat I am to the kingdom of darkness. Ok, so the Lord loves this about me, right! Yes, from the beginning I have had a intensity of intimacy with Jesus that I will say is so incredible. This is where much misunderstanding can happen. Many who have never experienced this kind of intimacy with Jesus do not understand it at all. This is such a tender place. It's private. It's really between Jesus and the individual. This kind of love must be experienced or it will not be understood. It is not a physical earthly love but a spiritual love that we were designed to know.

I once had a leader friend pull me aside and ask me if I was having some kind of physical relations with God! Oh my GOD!!! I love my friend, and she knows that, but this was devastating to me. Because of what I had come out of prior to coming into the Kingdom, this threw me into a tail spin. I tell you that this was not even the remotest part of what was going on with me and Jesus!! I truly lacked maturity in sharing something so intimate with people who had no grid for it. The sad part of this is that I withdrew from this place with the Lord because I felt it was tainted and I didn't want anything that wasn't pure even though it was utterly pure and holy.

I have to say that BEFORE I was ever able to let the Lord get this close to me, I had to let Him council me. You see, I had been defiled on the deepest level and I was afraid to let anyone get that close to me again. The Lord began to council me and talk to me and He promised never to violate me. He is so tender and so gentle. He really is and He really cares about us and wants to hear us. He already knows what is inside of us but He isn't afraid for us to say it. I was deathly afraid. I was terrorized actually. In fact the first time He came that close to me it was the scariest thing I had ever experienced. It "felt" like,,, "oh Lord,, this is toooo close". But I weep now, at how He talked to me and spoke right into the deepest most terrorizing thing that ever happened to me. He disarmed my fears. He went to the crux and the most amazing thing was that I let Him.

You see the one thing that I desired as a young lady was that I stay pure for my husband. That was taken away from me through violation and it was the most devastating thing to me. When Jesus came to me that day and started to council me. He asked me questions. I answered the questions. What hurt you the most about that Jodi? Oh, Lord, that I lost something that was so precious to me. Lord, more than anything I want to be pure. I want to be pure. He spoke to me like a redeemer would. Oh Jodi, I have made you pure. You have been given back what was taken!! That day will forever be to me one of the most precious days of my life. That is day that Jesus became my one and only Kinsman Redeemer. I fell in love with Him in the truest most purest sense of the word. He restored me!! He made me pure. I was free to be to Him what I was made to be without defilement!! I was always meant to be His. I knew that and so it wasn't hard after that to give myself to Him. It was natural. It was pure. I could receive love like I had never been able to before. Now, I live in that love. Allowing yourself to be loved takes a lot of trust. How could I not trust this One? He is trustworthy. Jesus doesn't just say He loves you, He truly loves you into the most deepest core of who you are. Jesus doesn't just want you to know in your head you are loved, He wants you to "feel" His love. When you do, I guarantee you will never be the same again. The funny thing is when someone has experienced Jesus like this you can tell. They have that glimmer in their eye!!

I tell you all of this now because I am mature enough to know who I am and what I have is precious. I tell you this now not to receive your validation or approval or your scrutiny but I tell you so that you may know there are deeper depths with Jesus if you have yet to experience them. I tell you this so you will know, if you have had this kind of depth with Jesus you are not alone. There are more of us out there than you may think.

It's the yada of God... to be known on the deepest level. To know by experience. To make oneself known. Let God yada you!!!

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

I Found My FACE

Space has not enough room for me.
I must stretch past all bounds and borders.
I wasn't made from the seen substance, so I can't remain within view.
I won't tell you where I am going.
I haven't been there yet.
My journey is for me to see and I accept it fully.

I windup my propellers and I let them go.
The sound of light is within view.
Observers want to stop me because they are afraid to explore.
I won't blame them because once I was them.

I found my face and the beauty I see is wooing me.
I looked beyond the outward and found galaxies.
It's a chilling reality but I am compelled to want more.
I found the door and there is no floor.
I am walking on what isn't but somehow it is.
This land is my land and I lay claim to my portion.
I won't let something define me that is not from this Country.
I am too vast to be contained, to beautiful to be blemished and to valuable to be mis-handled.
I treasure my exsistance and I unfurl my worlds.
My life came from The Almighty One and I am nothing but perfect.
I make music from this ecstasy and create masterpieces from this visual display.
I am a freeborn spirit and freely I give what is inside of me.

Monday, May 9, 2011

My Divine Mind

I am on a journey to discover who I really am. What do I really want? Where I am I going. As I have been frolicking down this road, I have come to a major road sign. YOU HAVE THE DIVINE MIND OF GOD!!! Whoa!!! What? Really? Hmmm... what does that mean?? Is that just a notion (a vague awareness or understanding of the nature of something). Do I go on my merry way saying, "oh, that is nice" or do I stop and look at this burning bush that is blazing but not burning out. It's on fire and I can't seem to stop looking at it.

I am really embarrassed to say that I haven't a clue about where I am going. I have lived a very frustrated life up to now. Always knowing something incredibly amazing was inside of me but always feeling like it was trapped inside and couldn't find an outlet. Always blaming others for not helping me get to where I don't even have a clue I want to go. Even after discovering some amazing things about who I am and where I am from, still the frustration has been there and hasn't really gone away. Oh, yes, I know I am amazing. God made me in His image. He provided a way for me to be restored back to my original design. This is the best news I have found up to now. It has filled me with such joy! Joy like I have never had before. BUT, now what? Where do I go from here? Do I just frolic in the goodness, I know this is a wonderful place, but is this just where I a camp out for the rest of my life. Just loving what Christ did for me on the cross and living in the beauty of it? I can't say that is a bad thing. For some this is fully satisfying. It's finished and it's done and you can retire now. But what if I don't want to retire? What if I want to explore the incredible fact that I know I have something so incredible inside of me that is bursting at the seems to come out!!

Now, I am stumbling forward and finding something that I can't ignore. God!! Inside ME!! This has been a real reality check for me. I thought one way and now I am finding there are other ways to think. Like thinking with God's mind. I have His mind right? Can't I think with it? Oh, but there are some ways of thinking that have been programed into me. As much as I want to believe that ritualistic rule based religion hasn't found it's way into me, I have found that it has!!! I am discovering some real shocking things. Now, if you want to go on this journey with me, suit yourself but I am going to tell you right now it's gonna get scary. It's going to be shocking. It's gonna challenge your core beliefs. I know it will because it's doing this to me! Right now as I am speaking, I am feeling the pain. It's going to make you responsible for something. I am going into the realm of God in ME and it's going to be explosive. Do you want to explore God in YOU!! Ok then, let's go!!!

So, In the beginning, God SAID, Let US make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.(Gen.1:26)

What is this! God made a man in his image after His likeness. The only definition I could find on image is:
a) images (of tumours, mice, heathen gods)
b) image, likeness (of resemblance)
c) mere, empty, image, semblance (fig.)

1) likeness, similitude
2) in the likeness of, like as

So, God (Us), made man in the image of, in the likeness of, in the resemblance of, in similitude of Himself.
God made gods? Images of Himself? Is this possible? Are we empty images of the creator God? Or is there
more to us than meets the eye. Could God create God. Is this a wild thought? Or did He create men to just be
Psalm 8:4-9
What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him?
For thou hast made him a little lower than the angels, and hast crowned him with glory and honour.

Thou madest him to have dominion over the works of thy hands; thou hast put all [things] under his feet:
All sheep and oxen, yea, and the beasts of the field;
The fowl of the air, and the fish of the sea, [and whatsoever] passeth through the paths of the seas.
O LORD our Lord, how excellent [is] thy name in all the earth!

This word, lower means lacking, diminished, decreased, to have a need. It is used in reference to God creating man and also in reference to Christ be made a little lower than than angels. Was Christ lacking? Was he diminished or in need? Another definition is lacking in dignity. In other words, Christ was not esteemed or given the respect or the honor that was actually due Him. They did not recognize Him as the King of Kings or the Lord of Lords. He was made a little lower than the angels. The angels were given more honor and respect than our Lord was given.

Did God create man or God-like men to be His image but made them a little lower than the angels as not be recognized or given the honor that really is due them? I would say yes!!! Hebrews talks about men of whom the world was not worthy. It is a strange thing that men who were created in the image of God cannot recognize or honor one another as such! They are blind to who they are and therefore forbid others to be what they are!!!

I look at Joseph. He was set apart as a God-like man. He was made in the likeness of Pharoah. He was second in command. Yet, He was like pharaoh to the people. But his brethren could not recognize him and did not honor him as such. They could not see who He was and therefore condemned him and he was as good as dead to them. Yet, He knew who he was and he remained steadfast in his own mind and heart. He honored his true Father and did not give up his right as a son.

On this journey into my own mind, the Mind of the Divine, is that I must honor and respect myself. I must give dignity to myself. I am what God is and I am the one who gives the freedom to the world inside me to question and reason and think. I honor my own words. I give a platform to my own creativity. I am beginning to see Jesus as I look into the mirror. I am His image and He is not ashamed to be called My Father. The household inside me will not be allowed to war against me as I give way to why I exist. My only enemy's are the ones I allow. I am not satisfied to only dream but I must allow my dreams to take on the form of men and let them walk with the orders that I give. I have been given a currency that is meant to be invested. I could choose to bury it because I have misconceived My Father or I can spend away and live the abundant life that I am!!

When Peter saw Jesus walking on the water something entered into his mind. I can be like Him. Let me have a go at it Jesus!!! Jesus said, come on Peter!! Ok, here we go. We may sink a little but Jesus is saying, give it a try!!! Eventually you will stop sinking and start running!!! We can all stay in the boat and watch others giving it a try or we can be like Peter, as scary as it may look, and go for it!!!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Welcome to my Creation Room

I want to welcome you all to my creation room.  It's going to be a place where things happen.  It is a real place and it's origin's are eternal.  I would like to invite you on a journey. We will be exploring the realms of heaven and bringing them into the natural reality of this earth existence.  If you would like to go with me, you are welcome.  There are only two requirements. One will be faith.  Without faith you cannot go!!  If you have no faith, please stay earthside.  If you have faith as small as a mustard seed you will be able to go on this journey with me.  Life as you know it will never be the same.  How can it?  When you see the things that we will see something inside you will have to change.  So you must have faith.  One more prerequisite will be you must become like a child.  You will not be able to see this Kingdom without a child's heart.  Children do not question first and experience at another time. They jump in with all they have and questions arise on the journey.  Questions are good.  But first look, listen and then ask.  Children have no fear.  They are Warriors and Samurais.  They are Cowboys and Indians.  Their world is not stopped by impossible thoughts.  They can do anything and so can we!!  So you must become like a little child.

Now you can get excited, you are embarking on the precipice of a whole new world and life is just about to shift and what was will no longer be.  It's the realities of heaven and it is available to all who believe.

Thank you for considering this journey.  You will be able to buy your tickets soon.  Remember two things are needed and will be required, faith and a childlike heart!!

Stay tuned for further details.